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Sep. 20th, 2012 @ 08:23 pm Well
I don't know whether the fact that I have only updated this like maybe, four times, in the past two years is a good sign of how things are going at the mo or not. I like to think good. I do want to write more than I have done recently though, sharpen the expressive instincts and that.

It's been many things since the last update. Emma got breast cancer and has spent the past year having treatment and went back to work last week. Helen and Ian got married. Caz got pregnant.

Chris and me are saving.

I find out on Monday whether I'm out of a job or not. Woo!
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Nov. 4th, 2011 @ 12:58 am What?
Current Mood: groggygroggy
Forgot this thing existed.

I think I created a separate one sometime last year, as a vague attempt to symbollically distance myself from my previous life in Lowestoft, but can I remember the logins? Can I bollocks.

Things with me are good. I'm living with the girls in the city still, near enough to be exciting, far enough out of the centre for the walk in to be an arse (an hour door to door for work).

Love The Christopher. Reading back some of these old entries seems weird to remember how conflicted I felt at points last year. There were definitely various factors which lead to things being maybe not as straightforward as they could have been; us getting together so soon after my previous breakup being a notable one. But oh.....how I love him. Hoping to move in together next year.

At the mo, I write this still being wide awake, with the knowledge that my alarm is going off in just over five hours. Some things never change. I am however writing this on my shiny new laptop which the folks went mental and bought me for my 30th.

Caz and Stu are successfully hitched (last December in the snow). K and Rich are still in NZ, and have applied for residency, but have been back twice in the past 18 months so as not to forget us. I am a bad friend and still haven't sussed Skype. I'm registered on it. But the technical, how I actually click something to speak to my friend kind of stuff, when I don't have microphone for my computer and my phone keeps dying whenever I try and use that instead, is still a mystery. Helen and Ian getting married in May. Chris and me going to the Olympics. Shelley and Adam have a one-year-old, who I hardly see (did I mention how much of a bad friend I am?) as they live in  Bungay, I don't drive, I spend all my spare time seeing Chris, and also I am crap.

The job stuff is going fairly well. I'm on the best wage I've ever had (which, I'm fairly confident, is still several thousand quid a year below most of my friends, but for someone who's temped for much of the past decade and therefore only had minimum wage or near enough, I am impressed). I'm fairly competent. I can bullshit my way through most working days without anyone being any the wiser - on the whole. And most importantly, I have made some real friends here, and I like what working here has done to my confidence. If working here means building a life with Christopher, then I will take it. And aim to have lots of outside interests at the same time.
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Jul. 24th, 2010 @ 02:32 pm Random thoughts of the day
I thought I would update today, as I haven't in a while. As I am at work, and thus have internet. I'm getting time and a half for this.

At present, things are good with me. And busy. Lots of work, interspersed with the odd moment of fun. I haven't had a day off in (I think) a fortnight, and last Saturday got in for overtime at 7am. No overtime tomorrow (some kind of testing is happening), so instead I am off to Worstead festival with Chris. I've never heard of Worstead, but have been sold on the idea with a £3 entry fee, bands, beer and an appearance by Trigger from Only Fools And Horses. Apparently there are sheep in the churchyard. It sounds like something out of Postman Pat.

Trying to save as ever. Still owe Mark money (he is trying to write it off, but that just wouldn't feel right), owe my Dad money from moving (and random gestures of survival cash over the past month or so), owe Chris money and want to start putting some by to not constantly be in this position.... And for little trips out and stuff. Getting my P45s back from HR = tax rebate claim in progress. Being poor is so boring.

It's starting to feel normal that I haven't seen many of my friends in ages. K and Rich are in New Zealand til December, Shelley and Adam have just had a baby, Caz, Stu and Jiff live in Ipswich, Helen and Ian have just moved house... Helen came round the other night after work which was a) the first time I'd seen her in over a month and b) the first time she'd seen the house. Had a really good natter, accompanied by really good tea and biscuits. I've sold her on Tetley Earl Grey and Vanilla, and have promised to buy her some for her birthday.

I am doing a lot of walking. I may have already mentioned that Mr Google tells me I walk seven miles a day. Plus side = free exercise. This also means I'm getting a nice tan as I'm basically out in the sun for two hours every day. Downside = this is callusing my feet  to shit. There are buses, but a) I can't afford them at present (and not in a, 'ooh it'd be naughty' kind of way; my Dad lent me food money to survive until Tuesday and I literally cannot afford the bus) and b) a big plus of moving to the city was to not spend money on buses. I do get a lift in with one of the girls every so often - on the rare occasion I leave the same time as them. So it's not so bad. I do arrive at my desk in the mornings sweating and panting though...not such a good look.

Speaking of suntans, I am very much loving the weather at the moment. I was discussing this with the guy I sit next to at work the other day, about extreme heat v extreme cold, and which you'd prefer (personally, heat, FYI). However I have discovered that I basically have a winter wardrobe. As such I have been bulk-buying skirts and tshirts whenever I can afford to. I love sundresses, but for the most part they don't love me (I'm not proportional, which apparently all high-street shops assume girls are). I am having trouble finding any summer dresses that cover my chest in such a way as to not make me indecent. But I will keep looking! Hopefully I will strike it lucky before the sun hibernates.

I am mostly liking The Chris muchly at present. A lot. Hmm. He picked up a carton of apple juice in the Co-Op yesterday with his face. I don't know if he has any idea how many shades of awesome he is.

Lastly, I urge anyone stumbling upon this to give The King Blues a listen. I am a little obsessed with their album. The title track on Save The World, Get The Girl is probably the standout, but the album as a whole is awesome and the rant thing at the end is one of the most exciting things I've heard in a long time.

Oh, payday..... how I heart you.
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Jun. 26th, 2010 @ 02:09 pm Ugh.
Current Mood: Ugh

I think there's a second heartbeat in my head.

I am in a severe amount of pain, and alcohol may be involved. I have also had only about three hours' sleep. However, I did make it into work for overtime this morning, and when I turned up I was greeted by a Hayley who was even more hungover than me. Win.

I have managed to process two quotes in the three hours I'm counting as overtime (they normally take around 15 mins apiece), and have since been tarting around online. In my defense, I don't have t'internet at home, or on my phone, so am getting my quota of Facebook in whilst I can.

As far as things with Chris go, I am very much a fan of chaos theory. I'm only too aware this will turn around and bite me in the arse at some as-yet unspecified point in the future, but for the time being I am slightly less distraught then I was at the previous time of writing. I have made my judgement as to how things stand between us, and an assumption of where his head is at, and I shall maintain both until he acts in any way that suggests otherwise. Yes.

So I'm currently sitting in a deserted office. Everyone caved early today, as I would have done had I not left my bank card in my jeans pocket back at the house. Yeah... Chris has swung home to wash and change and stuff then will head back into the city to meet up and go charity shop -shopping for random board games for this evening. I'm liking the prospect of the Big Break one in the Arc shop, but I will have to scribble over Jim Davison's face if we buy it. Despite my obscene levels of alcohol consumption last night I really fancy a cider so will be on the hunt for that Kopparberg Mixed Fruit stuff, 'tis summerlicious.

I love my housemates. I have very much fallen on my feet with them and I'm sure there's drunken huggage coming their way whenever we all have our first pub sesh. Thursday after work, Emma and me were roped into a charity netball tournament at the UEA sportspark through Jerene's work, which turned out to be knackering as expected but actually awesome. The three of us then proceded to drive home and sit in the garden drinking bad lager and nattering all evening before falling into bed around 11.30. Awesome :)

Tomorrow I am heading over to Bungay with Caz and Stu to meet Shelley and Adam's little bundle of joy.... want to go shopping for something he'll blatently grow out of in five seconds. But have forgotten bank card.

I'm keeping busy busy - practically living at work - but yeah, lots of pies, lots of changes. Good times.

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Jun. 6th, 2010 @ 02:05 pm (no subject)

I have boy trouble.

I hasten to add, said boy in question is 27 (to avoid any possible adverse connotations), but sadly I am staying with the youth theme in as much as my emotions are running riot as though I am still 13. Which I am, mentally.

I have been seeing Chris for maybe a couple months now, and whilst a lot of the time he makes me laugh so much I make embarassing snorty noises and spit my drink out (on him once; it was a proud moment), there are many factors that contrive to engage my neuroticism circuits in a way that nothing else has since watching 1985 disaster movie Alive and the resulting terror that I would end my days as some kind of al fresco human Pic'n'Mix. I could discuss these factors here but it's complicated, boring to anyone other than me and frankly it doesn't make me feel good about myself even thinking about them. 

I fear he may be the kind of guy that, were he a soap character, he would be prompting me to actually shout at the screen (romantic wrongdoings are pretty much the only thing that properly invoke my TV-based rage...well, that and the Go Compare ad).

I should probably point out that I'm not just talking about your garden-variety, 'ooh, he hasn't texted me since yesterday'...'ooh, where is this going?' -type insecurities you may or may not experience at the beginning of a new relationship; no. Sadly, there is real substance to at least one of my concerns; the rest have most likely just been exaggerated in my mind within such a context. I should also probably point out here that he hasn't done anything serious in the grand scheme of things - he doesn't do hard drugs, or have a gambling problem, or have an incriminating fixation with pre-pubescent children, or like to start fights, or anything. Which are of course all a big plus.

The main problem is simply that I am weak (the fact that he is easily the most beautiful man I have ever laid eyes on - including films and TV and stuff - doesn't help), and since conscious of how rubbish I am at these kind of relationships, I find myself creating excuses for any upsetting behaviour.

Things have reached the point where I fear I am acting more and more irrationally, and less and less fun (for both of us), and I feel I need to either just get over myself (history, rather unhelpfully, does not set much of a precedent here), or I need to nip it in the bud now before I traumatise myself further. As such, I am currently agonising over every tiny nanosecond of our interactions in an attempt to accurately assess the situation.

Well, we've got the next two days as a little holiday from work, so let's see how that goes, then I must make a decision - a final decision. I've already had a couple of crises of confidence, and I can't keep flitting between acceptance and despair like I am at the moment; it's just not practical. As I like him more and more, I simultaneously anger myself for allowing the liking to develop, and in turn resent him for building the foundations for such a frustrating and upsetting conflict in the first place.


On a lighter note, I think someone in another team in my office recently left to have a baby, and as such there are huge 'Good Luck!' banners stuck to the two sets of double doors you have to walk through here between the stairwell and the actual office. It's an empowering walk each time.

"Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for" - Bob Marley
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Mar. 28th, 2010 @ 05:18 pm Ho hum.
Myself and the Mark have parted ways. We still get on really well, and spent Friday night here at home having a beer and laughing at crap telly, unfortunately we just had stuff that's a problem only if you're boyfriend / girlfriend, if that makes sense, lol.

So I will be moving out, Norwich is the obvious choice really and Helen will be local, even if everyone else is moving away! Now just weighing up the pros and cons of solo vs. houseshare with randoms. Hmm.
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Feb. 15th, 2010 @ 05:16 pm Curiosity
Current Mood: accomplished
Moved desks at work today, and discovered just how much crap I've managed to accumulate in just under three months. Was asked to take an hour and a half lunch break, didn't start doing anything til 9.30 this morning, and got sent home at 3 o'clock - but will be credited for a full days' work...ah, the joys of training :) Although I say training; the ten or so of us just spent the day in a small office whilst two girls read through the handouts. Seriously, I could've done that training, and I wouldn't have known what the hell I was talking about. Maybe it'll be a bit clearer tomorrow when we're working through some cases. I think part of the problem is that most of the training group have been there for longer than me and Matt have, and have worked on the same kind of policies and systems (mostly), so they have a bit more context to work with. Whereas the two of us former temps have simply been issuing system-generated letters, and doing fairly simple data entry, both in more of a 'press-such-and-such-button-for-such-and-such-a-result' kind of way, than really understanding any of the background behind why we're doing it.

Our handouts did feature some awesome business bullshit though, which amused; "functional specialisation" in particular springs to mind.

My little LJ-based discovery has - as yet - gone unnoticed....either they don't click on friends of friends pages, or they're just not putting two and two together...I'm curious to see whether they notice or not :)
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Feb. 9th, 2010 @ 07:44 pm Crazy
Current Mood: amusedamused
I have made a small LJ-based discovery today. It is indeed a small world.

Work is work and I am tired. Pub tonight as Steve is about for a week or so. I will try to manage one drink; I really am tired. Awesome weekend, but still haven't caught up on sleep.

I'm being taken on as permanent at my Aviva job as of next Monday. I really am grateful for the security this provides, but what with the commuting, and the menial nature of the work itself, I really can't get excited. Ho hum.
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Jan. 2nd, 2010 @ 02:58 pm Endeavour
Current Mood: coldcold
House is still mostly cold, but Ali brought round some heaters on NYE which are helping to take the edge off - they're basically standalone radiators. We have one in the lounge, dining room and main bedroom. This means I still have a considerable debate each time I need the toilet, weighing up whether I would prefer to remove enough protection to actually use the facilities, or have an accident. The former is winning out, at the mo. I'm going over to the Worl tomorrow to have a bath ready for work the next day, pick up inhaler and drop off their jam pie tin. It's looking to be middle of next week - at the earliest - before new boiler can be fitted, new parts and landlady's approval pending. Mark is fearing that the boiler trouble will mean a sharp hike in the rent.

Abrupt awakening this morning - debt collection people rang at 8.30am about the old gas bill (I'd planned to call today anyway, they just beat me to it). Have washed up dishes accumulated over the past couple of days by boiling kettle for hot water, had breakfast then settled down in lounge with fleecey blanket and heater running to read some more Palin (Michael, not Sarah), whilst Mark went out for a KFC and some shopping at Asda. Have watched last episode of Gavin and Stacey via iPlayer. I came to G&S late, but it's been enjoyable; 'tis like the televisual equivalent of a Mike Leigh film.

I need to work on the Future story, but the cold in the box room is delaying me. To be honest, this is really just another in a long line of self-imposed distractions keeping me from putting in much real effort. Going to try hooking it up in either lounge or bedroom later. It has a battery, but the battery life is so minute it's less hassle to find a spare plug point. The deadline for January is looming closer and closer.
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Dec. 29th, 2009 @ 01:38 pm Plumbing the depths
Current Mood: coldcold
It's been quite a retro couple of days; boiler is broken so no heating or hot water. Spent most of yesterday reading Palin book in bed whilst fully dressed with dressing gown on, and hot water bottle for good measure. Also watched Electric Dreams on BBC4 which was quite entertaining - family have their house and themselves made over to be as they would in 1970, then each additional day on the project means a new year - the second day being '71, etc - and a new gadget each day / year too. Amused to notice our cooker is not dissimilar to the one on this programme. The one with the 80s is on tonight, I may give it a look.

Plumber came round this morning, said the boiler's dead and they'll need to fix a new one. This may not be 'til next week, this weekend at the very earliest (they need to order parts in). Woo. So I'm currently boiling three pans and a kettle full of water as a start on running a bath. I'm back to work tomorrow, and whilst I don't mind looking a bit scraggy round the house, my hair really needs a wash if I'm going out in public.

On the whole, it feels like I'm living in a bad 70s sitcom.

On the plus side, I've done a fair bit of housework today, partly as it needs doing; mostly as moving around keeps me warmer. Took the accumulated empty beer bottles from Christmas to bottle bank, popped to the Co-Op, then used the last of the residual warmth from returning to the house from the outside to lay in bed for a bit and enjoy some more reading. I'm actually looking forward to going back to work tomorrow, it'll be the only time I'll be warm. Apparently more frost / snow is predicted over the next few days, too. Joy.

The hot water in the bath so far is kicking out a shitload of steam.
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